Monday, December 28, 2009
What to Do When Your Spouse Says I Don't Love You Anymore by Dr. David Clarke
A must read for anyone who's spouse has committed adultery. What you must do if you want to save your marriage.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Missing Ingredient that Holds Back Successful Marriages
The role of husbands in marriage: To take the initiative (wife is to respond)
Husband's responsibilities:
Love Your Wife
Receive Input
Make Decisions
Initiate Action
Nourish and Cherish
Now, it's good if the husband and wife know this and are working towards filling their individual roles but what if they fail? What if it doesn't work?
A well-known evangelical minister and his wife were sharing with the author of Husbands and Fathers, Derek Prince, some of the struggles they had experienced in making their marriage work. At one point the wife was recounting that their inner tensions had exploded one day into an angry argument in their bedroom.
The husband had been emphasizing, as husbands often do, the scriptural command to wives to be submissive to their husbands. The wife had been emphasizing, as wives often do, that she did not see why she should submit to him. "After all," she told him, you don't have a good track record. You've made some pretty stupid decisions!?
At this point they both realized they were not acting like Christians. Spontaneously they knelt down on opposite sides of their bed to pray.
"As we did that," the wife recalled to Derek, "it was as if a cold wind blew through our bedroom. Somehow it impressed on each of our hearts the phrase from Ephesians 5:21, submitting to one another in the fear of God. We both recognized there was something missing in our relationship to each other, the fear of God. We'd been acting as if our relationship was only on the human level. We had left God out of it."
When they saw this, both repented of their failures and asked forgiveness of God and of each other. That was the beginning of a new relationship between them, a relationship in which they both accepted the place God had allotted to each of them.
Let's think of this scene as a diagnosis explaining why so many marriages between Christians never attain to the standard set forth clearly in the New Testament! It is because they are leaving out one essential ingredient: the fear of the Lord.
ILLUSTRATION OF PIZZA WITHOUT TOMATO SAUCE (OR CHEESE OR MEAT!) a pizza just isn't a pizza without the sauce.
How does this apply? The pizza sauce is the fear of the Lord. Without that distinctive ingredient the marriage is on the same level as one between unbelievers. It can never become what God intends. It will lack that special flavor that should distinguish it from marriages between unbelievers.
RESPECT, REVERENCE AND AWE
Unfortunately many contemporary Christians have a wrong concept of what the Bible means by the fear of the Lord.
They disdain it as something outdated that belongs only in the Old Testament and has no place in New Testament Christianity.
ACTUALLY, the fear of the Lord carries a higher priority in the character requirements of the New Testament than in those of the Old.
What does the Bible mean by the expression, the fear of the Lord?
it covers three related English words: respect, reverence and awe.
Fearing God IS NOT a cringing, slavish attitude. It is the appropriate response of the creature to the Creator, to His omnipotence, His majesty, His glory and His holiness.
Psalm 19:9 (NIV)
9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.
Something that in all ages, God looks for in His people.
In Isaiah 11:2, the prophet predicted the sevenfold anointing of the Holy Spirit that was to mark Jesus as the promised Messiah, the Anointed One:
Isaiah 11:2 (NIV)
2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him– the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD–
We might have assumed that there was no place for the fear of the Lord in Jesus, God's beloved Son. Yet Isaiah 11:2 reveals the fear of the Lord as the final seal marking Jesus as being truly the Messiah and the Son of God. If Jesus was thus marked by the fear of the Lord, how can we, as His disciples, ever feel that such fear has no place in us?
Recognizing the Cost of Our Redemption
Christians sometimes adopt the attitude that because God in His love has received us and made us His children, there is no place for the fear of the Lord in our lives. Actually the opposite is true. The very fact that God has redeemed us at the infinite cost of His Son's most precious blood should inspire in us an awesome sense of our responsibility to lead lives that give Him the glory that is His due.
1 Peter 1:17-19 (NIV)
17 Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear (fear of the Lord). 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.
Peter emphasizes that that the fear of the Lord is our only appropriate response!!
Let's think about this for a moment, what should the impact of that fear be?
Imagine standing at the top of a steep, rugged cliff overlooking a rock-strewn valley hundreds of feet below. A guardrail keeps you from venturing too close to the edge. Now picture that guardrail as the warnings of Scripture and its demands for holy living. Then ask yourself, Suppose I were to be presumptuous, climb over the guardrail and take my stand on the very edge of a cliff? After that, just one step more would precipitate me to final, irretrievable disaster! Now, how do you feel as you entertain that thought? For me, the muscles of my stomach tighten up involuntarily and a cold chill runs down my spine. I recall the words of warning written to the Hebrew Christians:
Hebrews 10:31 (NIV)
31 It is a dreadful (or fearful) thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
This attitude of reverent awe should govern not only our attitude toward God Himself, but also toward His Word, the Scripture.
Isaiah 66:2 (NIV)
2 Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the LORD. “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.
Why should we tremble? Because this is the way both God the Father and God the Son come into our lives.
John 14:23 (NIV)
23 Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.
Our attitude toward Scripture reveals how much we truly love Jesus and opens the way for God in His fullness to come into our lives. When we read, or hear, the Bible, our attitude should be the same as it would be if God the Father and God the Son were standing in person before us.
A KEY TO JOY AND FRUITFULLNESS
This attitude of reverence for God and His Word is key to experiencing the kind of joy that only God can give?
Psalm 2:11 (NIV)
11 Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling.
A beautiful balance is depicted here. We rejoice in God?s mercy and at the same time tremble at His awesomeness! This balance between fear and encouragement was reproduced in the New Testament Church?
Acts 9:31 (NIV)
31 Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace. It was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord.
Isn?t this a strange combination ? strengthened and encouraged with fear? Yet this combination was the key to the vibrant life and explosive growth of the New Testament church!!
What does all this about the fear of the Lord have to do with the relationship between husbands and wives?
EVERYTHING!!!
Without the fear of the Lord in both husband and wife, a Christian marriage can never become what God intends it to be!!!!
This is the ingredient on which the flavor of the whole pizza depends. Both husband and wife may say all the right things, make all the right resolutions and even attend the best counseling sessions, but without the fear of the Lord as an active force at work in both of their lives, their marriage will never become what God intends it to be.
The only way this can happen the only one secure base for this kind of attitude in the husband and wife is that it depends on our personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. He graciously invites us into an intimate relationship with Himself, but never at the expense of our consciousness that He is the personal, majestic, awe-inspiring revelation of God the Father. He is our Savior but He is also our Judge, to whom we must all one day give an account. In the NT this is vividly illustrated in the account of two of His closest disciples, John and Paul
John:
John was so close to Jesus at the last supper that he could lean on His breast and whisper in His ear. Later, however, when John was suddenly confronted in a vision by the glorious, ascended Christ of God, he said,
Revelation 1:17 (NIV)
17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead
Paul:
He too enjoyed an ongoing relationship of intimate fellowship with the Lord. Yet he never lost the consciousness that one day he, like every other person would have to give an account of his life to Christ, who would then be seated on His judgment throne. In this context Paul wrote
2 Corinthians 5:10-11 (NIV)
10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 11 Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience.
It was Paul's consciousness of the awesome majesty of Christ that made his message persuasive.
CONCLUSION
When man regulates his relationship with his wife by the all-pervading fear of the Lord, and when his wife responds in the same spirit, their marriage will fulfill the plan of God unfolded in Scripture.
Each will bear in mind the awesome responsibility placed on them.
The husband by his conduct toward his wife will make it his aim to depict the attitude of Christ toward His bride, the Church.
The wife will seek to respond to her husband as the Church responds to Christ, the Bridegroom.
Certainly there will be faults and failings on both sides. But these will be covered over as each repents and seeks forgiveness from the other.
* Like a cool breeze at the close of a hot and dusty day, the fear of the Lord will temper and dispel the various frustrations and disharmonies inevitable in any marriage. Both husband and wife will find fulfillment in their God-given roles and blend together in the kind of harmony God had in mind when He said, "The two shall become one flesh."
Husband's responsibilities:
Love Your Wife
Receive Input
Make Decisions
Initiate Action
Nourish and Cherish
Now, it's good if the husband and wife know this and are working towards filling their individual roles but what if they fail? What if it doesn't work?
A well-known evangelical minister and his wife were sharing with the author of Husbands and Fathers, Derek Prince, some of the struggles they had experienced in making their marriage work. At one point the wife was recounting that their inner tensions had exploded one day into an angry argument in their bedroom.
The husband had been emphasizing, as husbands often do, the scriptural command to wives to be submissive to their husbands. The wife had been emphasizing, as wives often do, that she did not see why she should submit to him. "After all," she told him, you don't have a good track record. You've made some pretty stupid decisions!?
At this point they both realized they were not acting like Christians. Spontaneously they knelt down on opposite sides of their bed to pray.
"As we did that," the wife recalled to Derek, "it was as if a cold wind blew through our bedroom. Somehow it impressed on each of our hearts the phrase from Ephesians 5:21, submitting to one another in the fear of God. We both recognized there was something missing in our relationship to each other, the fear of God. We'd been acting as if our relationship was only on the human level. We had left God out of it."
When they saw this, both repented of their failures and asked forgiveness of God and of each other. That was the beginning of a new relationship between them, a relationship in which they both accepted the place God had allotted to each of them.
Let's think of this scene as a diagnosis explaining why so many marriages between Christians never attain to the standard set forth clearly in the New Testament! It is because they are leaving out one essential ingredient: the fear of the Lord.
ILLUSTRATION OF PIZZA WITHOUT TOMATO SAUCE (OR CHEESE OR MEAT!) a pizza just isn't a pizza without the sauce.
How does this apply? The pizza sauce is the fear of the Lord. Without that distinctive ingredient the marriage is on the same level as one between unbelievers. It can never become what God intends. It will lack that special flavor that should distinguish it from marriages between unbelievers.
RESPECT, REVERENCE AND AWE
Unfortunately many contemporary Christians have a wrong concept of what the Bible means by the fear of the Lord.
They disdain it as something outdated that belongs only in the Old Testament and has no place in New Testament Christianity.
ACTUALLY, the fear of the Lord carries a higher priority in the character requirements of the New Testament than in those of the Old.
What does the Bible mean by the expression, the fear of the Lord?
it covers three related English words: respect, reverence and awe.
Fearing God IS NOT a cringing, slavish attitude. It is the appropriate response of the creature to the Creator, to His omnipotence, His majesty, His glory and His holiness.
Psalm 19:9 (NIV)
9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.
Something that in all ages, God looks for in His people.
In Isaiah 11:2, the prophet predicted the sevenfold anointing of the Holy Spirit that was to mark Jesus as the promised Messiah, the Anointed One:
Isaiah 11:2 (NIV)
2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him– the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD–
We might have assumed that there was no place for the fear of the Lord in Jesus, God's beloved Son. Yet Isaiah 11:2 reveals the fear of the Lord as the final seal marking Jesus as being truly the Messiah and the Son of God. If Jesus was thus marked by the fear of the Lord, how can we, as His disciples, ever feel that such fear has no place in us?
Recognizing the Cost of Our Redemption
Christians sometimes adopt the attitude that because God in His love has received us and made us His children, there is no place for the fear of the Lord in our lives. Actually the opposite is true. The very fact that God has redeemed us at the infinite cost of His Son's most precious blood should inspire in us an awesome sense of our responsibility to lead lives that give Him the glory that is His due.
1 Peter 1:17-19 (NIV)
17 Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear (fear of the Lord). 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.
Peter emphasizes that that the fear of the Lord is our only appropriate response!!
Let's think about this for a moment, what should the impact of that fear be?
Imagine standing at the top of a steep, rugged cliff overlooking a rock-strewn valley hundreds of feet below. A guardrail keeps you from venturing too close to the edge. Now picture that guardrail as the warnings of Scripture and its demands for holy living. Then ask yourself, Suppose I were to be presumptuous, climb over the guardrail and take my stand on the very edge of a cliff? After that, just one step more would precipitate me to final, irretrievable disaster! Now, how do you feel as you entertain that thought? For me, the muscles of my stomach tighten up involuntarily and a cold chill runs down my spine. I recall the words of warning written to the Hebrew Christians:
Hebrews 10:31 (NIV)
31 It is a dreadful (or fearful) thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
This attitude of reverent awe should govern not only our attitude toward God Himself, but also toward His Word, the Scripture.
Isaiah 66:2 (NIV)
2 Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the LORD. “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.
Why should we tremble? Because this is the way both God the Father and God the Son come into our lives.
John 14:23 (NIV)
23 Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.
Our attitude toward Scripture reveals how much we truly love Jesus and opens the way for God in His fullness to come into our lives. When we read, or hear, the Bible, our attitude should be the same as it would be if God the Father and God the Son were standing in person before us.
A KEY TO JOY AND FRUITFULLNESS
This attitude of reverence for God and His Word is key to experiencing the kind of joy that only God can give?
Psalm 2:11 (NIV)
11 Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling.
A beautiful balance is depicted here. We rejoice in God?s mercy and at the same time tremble at His awesomeness! This balance between fear and encouragement was reproduced in the New Testament Church?
Acts 9:31 (NIV)
31 Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace. It was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord.
Isn?t this a strange combination ? strengthened and encouraged with fear? Yet this combination was the key to the vibrant life and explosive growth of the New Testament church!!
What does all this about the fear of the Lord have to do with the relationship between husbands and wives?
EVERYTHING!!!
Without the fear of the Lord in both husband and wife, a Christian marriage can never become what God intends it to be!!!!
This is the ingredient on which the flavor of the whole pizza depends. Both husband and wife may say all the right things, make all the right resolutions and even attend the best counseling sessions, but without the fear of the Lord as an active force at work in both of their lives, their marriage will never become what God intends it to be.
The only way this can happen the only one secure base for this kind of attitude in the husband and wife is that it depends on our personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. He graciously invites us into an intimate relationship with Himself, but never at the expense of our consciousness that He is the personal, majestic, awe-inspiring revelation of God the Father. He is our Savior but He is also our Judge, to whom we must all one day give an account. In the NT this is vividly illustrated in the account of two of His closest disciples, John and Paul
John:
John was so close to Jesus at the last supper that he could lean on His breast and whisper in His ear. Later, however, when John was suddenly confronted in a vision by the glorious, ascended Christ of God, he said,
Revelation 1:17 (NIV)
17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead
Paul:
He too enjoyed an ongoing relationship of intimate fellowship with the Lord. Yet he never lost the consciousness that one day he, like every other person would have to give an account of his life to Christ, who would then be seated on His judgment throne. In this context Paul wrote
2 Corinthians 5:10-11 (NIV)
10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 11 Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience.
It was Paul's consciousness of the awesome majesty of Christ that made his message persuasive.
CONCLUSION
When man regulates his relationship with his wife by the all-pervading fear of the Lord, and when his wife responds in the same spirit, their marriage will fulfill the plan of God unfolded in Scripture.
Each will bear in mind the awesome responsibility placed on them.
The husband by his conduct toward his wife will make it his aim to depict the attitude of Christ toward His bride, the Church.
The wife will seek to respond to her husband as the Church responds to Christ, the Bridegroom.
Certainly there will be faults and failings on both sides. But these will be covered over as each repents and seeks forgiveness from the other.
* Like a cool breeze at the close of a hot and dusty day, the fear of the Lord will temper and dispel the various frustrations and disharmonies inevitable in any marriage. Both husband and wife will find fulfillment in their God-given roles and blend together in the kind of harmony God had in mind when He said, "The two shall become one flesh."
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Quote
The renewal of our natures is a work of great importance. It is not to be done in a day. We have not only a new house to build up, but an old one to pull down.
-- George Whitefield
-- George Whitefield
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Quote
God hath given to man a short time here upon earth, and yet upon this short time eternity depends.
-- Jeremy Taylor
-- Jeremy Taylor
Friday, May 22, 2009
Quote
As sure as God puts His children in the furnace he will be in the furnace with them.
-- Charles H Spurgeon
-- Charles H Spurgeon
Friday, April 17, 2009
Quote
Over the long run, love's power to forgive is stronger than hate's power to get even.
-- Lewis B. Smedes
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Quote
Men love to be encouraged by false hopes; the world is full of quack remedies for sin.
-- J. Gresham Machen
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Keeping Alive Romance and Security...
"A character of honesty and serving must be deep-rooted to survive; it reaches way down into the soil of consistent living. It isn't a short-term change of behavior that makes an impression on your mate; it's a life."
- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley
All excerpts from "It Takes Two to Tango" are copyright 1997 Gary and Norma Smalley, and are used with permission.
Find more relationship resources at http://www.smalleyonline.com
- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley
All excerpts from "It Takes Two to Tango" are copyright 1997 Gary and Norma Smalley, and are used with permission.
Find more relationship resources at http://www.smalleyonline.com
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Honoring God...
"Whatever your goals and ambitions for improving your marriage, you must learn the necessary skills, even though it may take years. Don't limit yourself and God by dwelling on what you already know and can do."
- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley
All excerpts from "It Takes Two to Tango" are copyright 1997 Gary and Norma Smalley, and are used with permission.
Find more relationship resources at http://www.smalleyonline.com
"Whatever your goals and ambitions for improving your marriage, you must learn the necessary skills, even though it may take years. Don't limit yourself and God by dwelling on what you already know and can do."
- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley
All excerpts from "It Takes Two to Tango" are copyright 1997 Gary and Norma Smalley, and are used with permission.
Find more relationship resources at http://www.smalleyonline.com
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